( yeahh )
Got my first paycheck the other day. It wasn't a lot. xD I'm hoping I can save up a bit so I can do something resembling a clothing shopping spree. I desperately need new stuff, especially shoes. Will probably hit up cheap prep stores, Goodwill, and eBay, haha.
People are so dramatic. Chill out, guys.
Show is going well. Saturday was bad though. Too much went wrong. The first act was very odd and almost everyone had some kind of problem... our director says it was the full moon. I'm not sure.
I'm tired of people bitching so much about each other. Everyone takes everything so personally. You can't do that in theatre... criticism is something you take and live with. Having a diva fit because you're not being worshipped just makes you a bad person to work with.
Oh well.
I am so glad I have the night off from everything. I've had either Whorehouse or work pretty much every night for the last... too long of a time. Tonight I'm going to chill. Get a few things done. And sleep, especially.
I keep falling asleep in some of my classes... like... sleeping HARD. Like I can't move, hard. Like I'm DREAMING in class, hard. My dreams are always similar, and very realistic... They take place in school, still, but there's something to do with Whorehouse involved. Once I dreamt I was sitting in class wearing my corset and fishnets. (Not in a nightmarish kinda way. It was kinda fun actually. xD) I wake up and feel confused about reality.
I don't recommend community or professional theatre to anyone who has school to worry about too.
Or to drama queens (the bad kind.) People need to get over themselves... Life goes on you know? And you make things what you want them to be. If you want to be stressed and pissed off, then you will be stressed and pissed off. It's up to you to have fun and be cool if you want to be.
*cough* That goes for Livejournal, too. No offence anyone..
On Sunday, March 7th at 4:40 pm I will be in Los Angeles auditioning for my dream school, the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. I will later meet up with Dean Haglund and Phil Leirness.
That's pretty surreal.
Fourteen year old me wouldn't know what to make of this... but it's a good thing she didn't know this was going to happen, or she would have died of a heart attack.
Before that, though, I have a show to do. The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas opens on Friday. Where the fuck did the time go? Maybe it's a lack of sleep that's making everything so surreal - then again I'm not doing much to remedy that by being awake and on LJ. My life has been consumed by that show. I have seen very little of my family in the last month. I sort of miss them.
Tonight on a whim I watched a couple videos from our Les Miserables show, and then some of the 10th anniversary show. In a weird way it kind of hurt to watch them. That place, with those people, completely, utterly infatuated with it and them.. in hindsight it's somehow a little hard to swallow. Part of it is just that "that" place is gone now. But so are all the other shows. Les Mis, for some reason, was always different; much more intense, in every way. I'm not sure why exactly.
I don't know if I can really deal with that place again for a while. Backing away and staying away just feels better.
Theatre fucks with you sometimes.
Right now is a transition. Right now I feel like my character in Whorehouse. I'm a little kid going out into the world and now I have to prove that I can hang out with the big kids. And I can have hope in hopeless situations. And trust myself.
Everything is going to be okay.
I'm going to be okay.
busy busy busy busy facebook busy busy busy naptime busy busy busy busy busy livejournal busy busy
So I'm officially employed at Little Caesar's. Lol? Yes I think so.
Thank god this happened. I have never been happier to sell party food to frat boys... haha.
Job interview at Little Caesar's tomorrow. Got the call today.
God? Is this you trying to prove to me you exist afterall?
So my father officially told me I'm not allowed to do the part in Midsummer. My last show with these people and I'm not allowed. And I still have nothing set in stone about whether or not I can even AUDITION for school next year.
I am absolutely fucking terrified out of my mind right now.
So... my dad might not even let me go to my college auditions, let alone the school I want to go to next year.
I have to get a job by the end of the month. If I don't I can't go to school in LA. Despite the fact that nowhere is hiring, and between school and three shows I have very little time to work, and the places that ARE hiring only want full-time employees.
I feel so in over my head. I'm about to be old enough to do what I want and be where I want and have the freedom I've been wanting since I was 14, and yet it just...might not happen. Jesus. My teachers and the people who know me, know how ready I am to go out and do this. My parents, not so much.
It's not like I'm not trying to get a job... on the contrary, I have been trying really extra super special hard. And I realize that when I'm in school where ever I go next year I'll have to be able to get a job there, so this is good for me. But seriously? Can't this wait until the summer, when I actually have the time to do this?
So so so so so overwhelmed with life.
I'd love to just be like, "My parents suck" and angst about that like I'm fifteen again. They don't. In their own way they're looking out for me, and I know that. And I know that I'll get through this weird thing happening to me right now, but at the very moment OHMYGOD I really just need some things to be okay.
I am realizing lately how young I am and how little I know about the real world. I don't know fuck about so many things. And I want to learn about these things and be given the chance to figure everything out and figure myself out and be generally figured. But my dad is in this mid-life crisis right now, and he's always been so much harsher on me than he was on Sarah and especially than Kendra is on her kids. For some reason it's fine to send them off on their own but not me?
I've been trying to think about this objectively. Call places. Drop off applications and resumes. Find time to even do these things. Don't let yourself freak out about it at 1 in the morning and tearfully complain to a probably bored and annoyed internet...ahh too late.
I feel guilty because I know all of this is my fault. My dad is right. I have been lazy. I could have tried harder to get a job over the summer instead of just hanging out with people and farting and giggling. I could have been looking for one at the beginning of the school year. I could have anticipated this and not committed to doing Whorehouse (despite the fact that it's really fun and a HUGE learning experience.) I could have done so much more.
Hell I could still be doing more. Instead of hanging out with people I could be looking for jobs with even more intensity... And I should really do that. This month is not a month for having a social life and I should stop being selfish and indulging in crap.
All this makes me second-guess my wanting to go to LA next year. In my heart I know it's what I want more than anything, and I know I can go there and be okay. I know this. But...I can't be ABSOLUTELY sure. If I'm freaking out about THIS, things must be much worse out there on my own. I'll have to deal with people who are more intense than my dad, I'm sure. Can I handle that REALLY? Just because I think I can doesn't mean I definitely can. The fact is, I know nothing. I only think I know things. Which probably means I don't know them at all anyway.
...Well. I'll call Starbucks again tomorrow. Good night bored people of LJ.
Also I just cheated on LJ and posted an entry to my website blog ... http://www.erynnpetrulis.com/
I haven't posted to that thing in a while because I couldn't think of anything relatively not annoying to post about. But I have this awesome idea for what I really want to use that blog for now and it's so happening.
